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USA Vacation Guide

This is a guide to vacationing in the United States, highlighting the most adventurous and exotic things that could happen to you -- that is, if you actually make it into the United States.

Table of Contents
  • Getting into the United States
  • California (Los Angeles)
  • Michigan (Detroit)
  • Florida

Getting into the United States

These days it may be challenging actually making it in at all, but chances are good you won't be turned back at the border even if there's a slight hassle with your paperwork. Just make sure you have enough leftover vacation days in case your stay in detention exceeds your planned vacation days in the United States.
Actually, if you DO have all your paperwork in order, you might end up spending more time in detention, possibly a whole two weeks, like Jasmine Mooney.

Not having any criminal record may count in your favor but don't bet on it. As of June 2025, only around 47% of around 59,000 known detainees have no criminal record. But if you do find yourself suddenly kidnapped by the authorities, do NOT be like this woman and commit suicide. You MAY eventually be released! Even if no one knows where you are and you are not allowed legal counsel.
In fact, it seems the more notorious you are, the less likely you will be hassled and instead your arrival will be celebrated because of your famous convictions.

While in detention you can nevertheless be assured of your safety from the outside world as these locations are so secure and secretive that even members of Congress are not allowed to have an official visit to see what's happening inside. (Hey, it can't possibly be worse than Israel).

California (Los Angeles)

In California, you could be shot by a rubber bullet for standing around! Don't worry, it probably won't kill you. This Australian woman survived a shot from the LAPD just fine:


Even though it's "just" a rubber bullet, occasionally they can still draw blood and surgery might be required, as in the case of the BBC reporter who was shot.
If you need to get that surgery in the US however, it could potentially cost a lot, probably from $7,000 for "minor injury" to over $100,000. Just an Emergency Room visit with no insurance could start at $1,500 (or $150+ even with insurance). So remember to buy medical insurance.


Bonus for animal lovers! If you like animals, you might even get trampled by a police horse! How much closer can you get to nature?


Michigan (Detroit)

Even shopping could be an adventure in Detroit!
A woman took a wrong turn on the way to shopping at Costco and ends up detained for six (6) days. 
CBC News reports on the story but here are the highlights of their stay:
  • Room: Windowless, with cots, basic microwave meals (ramen, oatmeal) 
  • Health & legal: Children fell ill (fever, cough); no meds available. The family had no access to legal counsel or consular contact 
  • Trauma: Sarahi described it as feeling “like a kidnapping”; her daughter saw sunlight only through a hallway skylight
  • https://www.npr.org/2025/03/26/nx-s1-5335524/wrong-turn-bridge-detention-ordeal

Florida

The police in Florida can't wait to kill you "graveyard dead". Sure, they say if you initiate violence against the police that will be the provocation they need, but in California (see above) you don't even need to do anything to get shot at or trampled.
So... do you feel lucky?


If you do get detained, you might possibly get sent to Florida's newest and most exciting concentration camp, Alligator Alcatraz! And it's not just a gimmicky name: It really has alligators in a moat.
Probably not surprising that the state that threatens you with being bitten by one of their "beautiful dogs" and hoping to kill you "graveyard dead" would try to feed someone to an alligator.

It's meant to hold undocumented immigrants but you might still get a chance to stay there because ICE will kidnap anyone, even the wrong person. Fortunately you don't need to be at Alligator Alcatraz in person to buy unofficial related merchandise, such as baseball caps and T-shirts.

Here's the video of the first criminal to arrive at Alligator Alcatraz, a man convicted of 34 criminal charges.




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